Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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