The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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