Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I stole a fireplace last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am mentally ready for anal.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
