I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
