my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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