I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
