Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
