The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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