I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
