Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
