No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
