New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize