I think my vagina is haunted
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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