Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
