My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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