my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
