Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
