I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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