I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize