No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Randomize
