I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
