Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
