I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
