to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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