I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
