My room smells like vodka and shame
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
