At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Watching her eat just hurts me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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