i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dicks are not precious.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
