that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
