woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
