that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
