I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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