my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
