The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
