This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
