I'm lost and stupid without you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
