I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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