question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
