Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
