All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
