hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
