Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
