Kiss
Puke
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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