Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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