like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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