HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
