I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
