she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
