i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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