I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
