hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a search helicopter?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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