new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
