so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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