I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize