i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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