just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
