u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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