its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
God, I missed his penis.
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