I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
