Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
