I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
