Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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