Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
