Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
