You really coming over, don't trick.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
