woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
