Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
