i barfeds in our rink
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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