it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
