All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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