He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
